my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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