I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
