I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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