we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
