I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
