aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
