the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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