Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
