2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
