My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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