i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Randomize
