Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
