Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
