i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
