Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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