Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
