i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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