Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
