grandma shit on top of the toilet
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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