I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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