We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
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