i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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