You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
