It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
