Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Randomize
