I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
