You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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