I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
