Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
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