just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
