So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
