I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
