Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
