hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
