you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
