we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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