well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
