the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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