Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
