im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
