Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Randomize
