they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
