allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
