you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
