loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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