We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
