btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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