It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Is Oprah even human
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
