I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
