Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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