dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you guys were way drunker than both of me
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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